Originally published in the Deseret News.
I have struggled for the right words to capture my thoughts about the recent Handbook of Instruction Changes made by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints regarding same-sex couples and their children. The changes have created a flurry of emotions among members of the LDS Church.
Many appreciate the clarification and consistency. They know it’s important for the church to be in harmony with the life and teachings of Jesus Christ. Others, mostly younger, inactive Mormons, have chosen to resign from the church. Still other faithful LDS people have struggled to understand how this new policy can be reconciled with the love they feel for their gay children, brothers, sisters and friends.
My words will fail me as I try to adequately address the feelings of these groups in this column, but I will try to provide perspective that I hope, over time, will bring people closer together.
Last February, I was in the Utah Capitol Gold Room as Elder L. Tom Perry and Sister Neill F. Marriott stood in front of television cameras alongside representatives of the Utah Legislature and Equality Utah to announce a landmark compromise to protect LGBT people against discrimination in housing and employment. People from all sides stood up and essentially proclaimed, “Discrimination is wrong.” It was a profound expression of unity in our state.
For me, the most touching part of the news conference was when Equality Utah Executive Director Troy Williams described the internal strife he felt when serving an LDS mission while knowing of his same-sex attraction. He said, with a glimmer of hope in his eye, “if I had known then that this day would come, it would have given new meaning to the LDS scripture that reads, ‘Mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort.’”
His pain seemed very real to me and it matched expressions I’ve heard and felt from others in similar circumstances. It pains me to know that people struggle with their faith and their identity in this way. I took note.
Sometime later I began reflecting on the idea of privilege in society — the notion that some people receive a special right or advantage not because it is earned, but because it is given. Some wealthy people have privilege, white people have privilege, men have privilege. But it extends even more broadly than this. Smart people have privilege, physically attractive people have privilege, some healthy people have privilege, and straight people have privilege, as well.
Some people have many privileges; others have precious few. The challenge is to take whatever privileges you have and use them to love and serve others. In this way we create a more just and empathetic society. Healing begins when privilege is recognized.
I’ve also reflected on one of my favorite scriptures. In Corinthians, the apostle Paul writes that we “see through a glass, darkly.” I take this to mean there is so much we don’t understand. We need to approach challenges, disagreements and different world views with humility and meekness.
Paul also writes about the body of Christ, saying, “For the body is not one member, but many.” Then he says, “And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it.” We are indeed interconnected in all of our expressed forms of love and relationships. Even more to the point, Paul writes, “And those members of the body, which we think to be less honourable, upon these we bestow more abundant honour; and our uncomely parts have more abundant comeliness.”
Another thought I’ve had is this: I once heard someone characterize the LGBT agenda in three words: “Treat us better.” That is simple, but essential counsel.
I don’t know much about same-sex attraction. I do know people are hurting. I don’t know much about the Church Handbook. I do know the LDS Church reveres families and children. I also know it’s important that the church administer its affairs consistently and in line with the life and teachings of Jesus Christ. I don’t know how best to extend God’s love to gay couples and their children, but I know a peaceful heart when I feel one. I felt it in the Gold Room at the State Capitol when we mourned with those who mourn.
As we continue on the path of understanding, I hope we will continue to try to find the right words to express our religious convictions and our love for people with different viewpoints. I believe people of the LDS faith can do so while still adhering to their religious beliefs. I believe people with different beliefs can respect the religious liberties of others. Most importantly, everyone can do so “with malice toward none, with charity for all.”