Originally published in the National Edition of the Deseret News.

I recently attended a Catholic Community Services’ dinner where Bishop John C. Wester reminded the audience of a simple truth. He said, “When we give, we enter into a relationship with someone.” For me it was a beautiful reminder of what the holiday season ought to be. The holidays are about people, not things.

Unfortunately, for far too many of us, the holidays have become a volume sport of shopping and overindulgence. We constantly seek more at the expense of what is best. Often this is a choice between things and people.

Think back about your favorite holiday memories. If yours are like mine they involve a simple setting with the people you love a sweet sip of cider, a crackling fire, children playing and your family all around you. They involve sharing what you have with others an angel tree, an anonymous gift to a family in your neighborhood, a night of caroling in the snow. They involve a beautiful setting with the people you love. The holidays are about relationships.

Now contrast this with the holiday season we spend a lot of time, energy and money living finding a parking spot at a congested big box store, stuffing our closets, experiencing the holiday blues because of feelings of inadequacy or receiving a credit card bill in January that will take months to pay. When the holidays are about consumption and things, we turn what should be a lovely time of year into a big mess.

Overindulgence and exaggerated expectations create more problems. Instead of finding joy in the moment, we try to create grander moments — bigger presents, more extraordinary meals, grander lights. Grander moments lead to expectations of still grander moments and more things. Before we know it our expectations turn into a vicious cycle of more, more, more. There is a better way.

Referring to wealthy societies like ours, Frank Lloyd Wright said: “Many wealthy people are little more than the janitors of their own possessions.” This runs in sharp contrast to what should really be happening. People are more important than possessions.

A better approach to the holidays is to make it a time of genuine friendship and meaningful connection. We should tell the people we love exactly how we feel. We should reach out to someone we have been alienated from. We should quell the endless pressure to meet expectations — to look just right, to serve the perfect family meal, to give a great present or to show well compared to our neighbors. We should be optimistic and build up our emotional reserves by connecting with others.

We should also look around and find people we can help. Gifts are nice, but I’m thinking about something more something deep inside of us. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Rings and jewels are not gifts, but apologies for gifts. The only true gift is a portion of thyself.” I agree.

And it is not just those with economic challenges. We need to help those with emotional challenges. I want people who suffer from depression this time of year to keep their expectations in check. Remember, you are not alone. It passes. Relish the moments with family and friends. Keep your chin up.

My holiday wish is simple. I want to simplify and personalize the holidays — Christmas specifically. I don’t want more; I want less. I want the holidays to be about people, not things. I want our holiday expectations to be in line with our ability to pay. I want Utah families to recognize that time together is far more meaningful than endless consumption. I want people who struggle to know there is hope for a brighter day. I want those who have the means to share their abundance with others to do so. I want each of us to give authentically of who we are to those we love.
Read more at http://national.deseretnews.com/article/3055/My-holiday-wish-2-not-overindulgence-or-expectations-but-connections-and-relationships.html#aMHgsLI7tGwyKSPC.99